Her elbows and knees were full of bruises, but her gaze remained at the sky.

I’m not running away from my past. I’m running towards my future.

Jan. 20, 2017

There’s an alternate universe behind a curtain. These men were about to lock it away, but then a girl and I heard something. We decided to enter the dimension, noticing the shadow appeared like a large dinosaur, but in reality, it was a baby t-rex. Suddenly, enemies come and try to kill us and the dinosaur. Somehow, it turns into a dragon. I ride it and we defeat the enemies.

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Detailed Edit:

I’m standing in front of a red, velvet curtain with my friend by my side. This wasn’t the first time we were here, but there was something ominous about it. My heart was racing and my eyes were glued to the shadow cast along the walls. I could hear the loud thuds echoing in my ear as it approached. It was obvious this creature had large claws and sharp teeth. It was possibly several feet taller than me. As it came closer, my breath got caught in my throat.

The shadow grew smaller and smaller until a baby t-rex appeared in front of us. It was almost comical as it was surprisingly several feet shorter than me. My heart slowed and I almost laughed until a loud bang came from behind us. My friend and I turned around to see men in all black approaching. They were shouting commands, but I couldn’t understand a word they said.

When I turned my head back to the t-rex, I found myself staring at emeralds, glinting in the night. No, they were not emeralds, they were scales, and the creature before us was no longer a dinosaur, but a dragon who’s scales were like gems and its eyes like opals. Even though this creature was bigger than my friend and I, I was not afraid. I approached it and felt the scales slide against my fingertips. It didn’t take long before my friend and I climbed on top of it and rode into the sky with the enemies falling behind.

I Love You

I love you, but I don’t know what kind of love it is. All I know is I care about you more than others. There’s just something about you that makes me attracted to you, and no, it is not just physical attraction. You make me feel bubbly, comfortable, and loved. It’s a combination of these things that make me so confused. I have never felt so confused in my life.

But all I know is I do love you.

I’m sure you know that. I’m just not sure how you’re interpreting it. Most likely you think it’s platonic. Maybe it is, but I don’t even know myself, so what can I say? There are moments where my love is simply just me caring for you and just wanting to embrace the moments when I’m with you. However, there are moments where I confuse my love with love.

Why?

Again, I enjoy the moments we spend together and would even wish the days were longer just so we basically explore the world. You make me laugh. You annoy me. You respect me. You let me be myself without judgement. Sure, you’re not the ideal boyfriend (not gonna lie), but you have qualities that definitely makes me want to keep you in my life. It’s the honesty that I greatly appreciate from you. You don’t hide who you are. And you trust me enough to share what is troubling you. I think these are the reasons why I’m confused about my own feelings.

I don’t want to lose you.

I don’t want to ruin what we have.

I don’t want to make the same mistake from years ago.

So, I will say this right now and hope I’ll be able to make up my mind: Yes, I love you, and no matter where this love goes, I’ll make sure that I’ll never leave you and hope that you won’t either.

Online Friends

I find comfort in having online friends. Sure, I am missing the personal interaction that comes with friends from school, but sometimes online friends are the ones who I can talk to about anything. Maybe they’re judging me or maybe they don’t care. I just need someone from the outside to listen. Sometimes they’re the ones who give out the best advice because they’re unbiased. Okay, they may be a little bit biased because they’re only hearing my side of the story. However, what I like about online friends is they don’t know your past. They don’t know who you are in the public eye. You are a blank canvas to them. And based on how you interact with them, you can paint a picture of who you really want to be.

I guess I’m so used to having online friends because I’m an only child. I don’t have a sibling I can turn to when things get rough. But I do have friends. In fact, I have tons of friends, but I’m not usually the type to initiate anything. And then there are times where I want to stay home alone while everyone else wants to go out, or vice versa. Well, actually, now that I look back, I’ve always been the type of child to stay inside her room and write or watch anime instead of playing with the kids in my neighborhood. I’m definitely an introvert. I guess that’s where my interest in online friends stemmed from. I wrote stories online and published them. There were plenty of people who read and left comments, and I would reply back. It was such a good feeling to know that people are reading and enjoying my stories. A few times, we would message each other and share common interests – interests that other people in my school probably would not understand. This habit of interacting with online people continued on even until high school. The majority of them drifted away. In fact, I’m only keeping in contact with one online friend. She’s pretty cool and I go to her when I need outside advice.

When it comes down to choosing who I’d spend my time with, I, of course, would pick the people around me. In no way would I have online friends replace my friends in real life. It’s just nice to have them because you know they’re also there for you when you need help, and they’re also there with you when you need to fangirl about something. So, to all the online friends I’ve made in the past, even though we haven’t met in real life, being able to talk to you and share interesting stories definitely got me through the days, weeks, and months that have passed when I spoke to you. Whoever you are, what you become or where you come from, I appreciate you.

I thought I could forget you, but I was wrong. You’re in my mind more than I intended, and I wish you weren’t.

Some people need to realize that they are more draining than others. It’s not that I don’t like you or I don’t want to be with you, but I can only take in so much before I need to recharge and interact with you again.

Valentine’s Day/Single Awareness Day

So, yesterday was Valentine’s Day or, as some would say, Single Awareness Day. And yes, I’m completely and utterly single which can either make you hate Valentine’s Day or love it, but I’m in the middle depending on the situation. Weird, right?

Well, I love Valentine’s Day because of its cheesiness. I was walking through HEB and saw a lot of guys getting flowers, chocolate, and wine for their significant other. It honestly made me fangirl inside. It was just too sweet. I’m a helpless romantic who just love those things even though they’re not happening to me. What I also love about Valentine’s Day is even though you don’t have a significant other, all your other friends are willing to give you chocolate, and I LOVE chocolate. I don’t care what kind it is or what is inside, I will eat it. Now that I think about it, I only got two pieces of chocolate: one from my professor since we took an exam on Valentine’s Day and one from my bestie since he bought himself a Valentine’s gram and had lots of chocolate. Oh, and let us not forget the sales that happens right after.

Now, the thing that makes me iffy about Valentine’s Day is the fact that I am single. I’m okay with being single, but V-Day makes you realize how single you are. Most of my closest friends are coupled up. They’re receiving gifts, flowers, chocolates, etc. and then there’s little ole me with just me, myself, and I. Like I said, I saw tons of people at HEB trying to pick out a gift for their significant other. It made me think what it would be like to receive a huge bear or be treated to a date. I mean, I don’t think Valentine’s Day should be the only day to treat your SO, but it’s nice to know that they thought of you.

So, yes. Valentine’s Day was yesterday, but I didn’t feel as lonely as I thought. While all my coupled friends were out and doing stuff, I was able to hang out with one of my besties and I think we had a great time. I mean, I think it’s better than me being stuck at home and lay on my bed while wondering what to do for the rest of the night.

There’s a difference between wanting to be alone and being lonely. The former recharges me and allows me to explore my imagination while the latter clutters me with unwanted thoughts.

I stumble on my words or I don’t say anything at all, but if you give me something to write on, I will give you a world filled with fluorescent flowers and singing trees.